Mussels > Reviews > Fred N Ted

Author's product rating:   

Ease of Use
Value for Money

Advantages:	FREEEEE !  !   They're easy to find and in some places they actually work !  !
Disadvantages:	Down here they really DON'T catch fish .

Recommend to potential buyers:

no

Full review

There was once a shellfish called Flid-the-mussel-with-no-name-but-maybe-Bob. To his friends he was known as Fred, and to all who spoke Latin, his name was Mytilus edulis (its true!!). He lived on a rock with his wife, their friends, and all these little kiddie mussels that had drifted in on the tide and persuaded Fred to let them stay. You all know Fred. You must do!! He's the black bivalve chappy.

They were all happy. Until that was, a big man called Ted-the-fisher-guy came walking down the beach and ripped Fred from his rock. Fred closed himself up tight (the main problem with them).

"What's happening?? he wandered with a dumb expression on his face.

Ted was a fisherman who was too skint to buy any proper bait. Living in Cornwall (believe it or not, he's a make believe character so we'll have to pretend I'm him. OK??), with a local tackle shop that was regularly stocked with 'proper' bait (therefore, no reason to really try), Ted'd often wandered what these 'freebie Freds' would catch him.

Being a special mind-reader mussel, 'Fred not Ted' (I should really stop using characters with names that rhyme) now knew what he was in for. Ted was happy with the easiness of his bait collection. No trips in to town!! Fishing in the vicinity of these rocks, he could just pluck his bait from its home (evil man) whenever he needed it.

With his nice pointy 1/0 hook (generally about right)(depending on the size of fish you're hoping to catch and size of bait your using)(just make sure the hook points still showing when baited) all ready to go, Teds task was now to open up Fred and get all his juicy bits out. Best done with a sharp knife, there is a little gristley bit near the wide end of the shell. Cut that and the shell'll spring open like a crazy jack-in-the-box (nearly, it'll actually need a little bit of persuasion).

Personally, doing this makes Ted feel very bad. Just because these things can't scream doesn't mean they don't feel pain. As Ted slipped his knife around the outside of Fred, a little tear formed in his eye. "I'm sorry little guy".

With the shell now open, it was time for more knife work and nastiness. In order to make the most of Freds fleshy parts, Ted had to slip his knife around the edge of the two shell parts, being quite careful as he did it. Fred came away quite easily. It was not messy and Fred was still 100% Fred, just with no shell. He looked kinda yellowy/orange, and if Ted was a fishy he reckoned he'd be happy eating Fred. "That’s a good thing though I suppose isn't it?!" he thought to himself.

Slipping Fred on to his hook as best he could, Ted stood back and looked. "Uuumm, it needs something more", he concluded. Fred was not the biggest of mussels. Living close to the shore, he was not as big as those family members that grow out in the open water. He therefore, wasn't enough on his own to cover the hook and look at all satisfying.

Ted knelt down and grabbed 2 more mussels from the rock (the biggest he could find). Repeating his Fred killing manoeuvre, his hook was now almost completely covered and it was all looking very tasty.

The problem though, was that Ted was an expert caster and was fishing a long way from the shore. Whacking this out a long distance would decimate poor Fred & chums before they even reached the water. They all had quite tough little bodies and if he'd been fishing closer in then he wouldn't have this problem. To solve it, Ted reached in to his bag and pulled out some bait elastic. Being an almost cotton-like elastic, winding this around the bait a few times to secure it in pace would keep Fred on the hook whilst casting and in the water.

Winding up for the big one, Fred found himself flying flying flyiiiiiiiiiing out to sea.

Once there it was unfortunately time for Fred to say "goodbye". Along came Mr Bass and CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP, bye bye Fred.

It had to be Mr BASS cos down here in Cornwall, Ted'd never had much luck with anything else. Teds view of the mussel is that its actually a pretty useless bait really. He has read a lot about anglers from other parts of the country having a little more success with Freds though. In some parts, the Cod really seem to love them. As do flatfish it seems. I suppose most things do really, but if you were to ask Ted, he'd tell you it was much more worthwhile nipping in to the tackle shop and spending a few pounds on some decent worms or crab.